Braving Midlife

Every single time I go on a girls trip, the same thing happens.

I’m the first to say “YES!”

And I’m also the first one in bed while everyone else is still deciding what bar to hit next.

I used to feel a little weird about this—like I was letting the group down or missing out. But once I started learning more about ADHD and how my brain works, it all started to make sense.

Here’s what’s actually going on.

First to Say YES? That’s my dopamine talking.

If you have ADHD, you already know how easy it is to get excited about something new. A trip with friends? That’s peak dopamine. New place. New vibes. New snacks. I’m sold.

While everyone else is still “checking the dates,” I’m already mentally packed and have 12 browser tabs open with options for where to stay. I live for the planning stage—the group texts, the Target run, the playlist I definitely overthink. It feels productive, fun, and full of potential.

This is ADHD in action. That early excitement? It’s hyperfocus. We don’t just agree to the idea—we commit our whole soul to it before we’ve even figured out who’s driving.

Then the trip actually happens… and my brain is DONE.

So we get there. And it’s great! But it’s also a lot. There are constant decisions, everyone’s talking at once, the music is loud, someone’s always asking “What should we do next?” and I’m quietly thinking… I need a nap.

By 9:30 p.m., I’ve reached full capacity. Not because I’m bored. Not because I’m not having fun. But because my brain is overstimulated, my body is tired from masking and managing group dynamics, and I just need to turn it all off.

And that’s why you’ll find me in bed, hoodie up, sound machine on, while everyone else is mixing drinks and shouting over each other trying to pick the next activity.

It’s not that I’m boring—it’s that I’m overstimulated.

People with ADHD don’t just struggle with paying attention. We struggle with regulating attention, energy, emotions, and sensory input. That “fun girls weekend” might look easy, but my brain is working overtime just trying to keep up.

So yeah, I go hard at the beginning—and then I go straight to bed. That’s not me tapping out. That’s me being honest about my limits.

This is the balance I’ve learned to love.

I can be the one who suggests the trip, hypes everyone up, and brings the good snacks.

And I can also be the one who turns in early because I need quiet more than chaos.

Both can be true.

So if you’re the “first to go to bed” friend on girls’ trips, don’t second-guess yourself. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just protecting your peace.

And in a world that tells us to always do more, that might actually be the most powerful thing we can do.

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